The Need for Public Lands

God has cared for these trees, saved them from drought, disease, avalanches, and
a thousand tempests and floods. But he cannot save them from fools. – John Muir

Two American White Pelicans at Malheur NWR (©Belinda Greb)

Lately my heart and mind have been in Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, a wild gem of Oregon taken over in early January by armed militia. This takeover was in response to the arrest of Hammonds, two ranchers who intentionally set two fires that spread to public lands endangering lives, (in 2001 of the young relative who was instructed to set the fire and  in 2006 of firefighters who were in the area). Bundy and his followers purported to take over the refuge for the purpose of returning the land to the people – a ridiculous proposition since the land already belongs to the people, as in “We, the People”. They didn’t want the government to manage the land and instead unilaterally decided that they would be the ones to do so. Malheur NWR is one of numerous  public lands that have been set aside by our forefathers who wisely saw the need to preserve natural habitat and wildlife for future generations. I suspect most of us consider this a blessing, but sadly there are those that consider it an overreach of the government.

Fern Ridge Wildlife Area (Falling Light on the Marsh ©Belinda Greb)

Public Lands

In 1864, Abraham Lincoln ceded land around Yosemite Valley and Mariposa Grove Area to California for use as a state park in response to Galen Clark and Senator John Conness who argued that with the increased tourism since since the mid 1850s, unregulated commercial interests were becoming a threat to the area. This would set a precedent for establishing Yellowstone as the nation’s first national park, Meanwhile after 11 years of trying, Ferdinand Hayden, was finally able to put together a geological survey in to the Yellowstone Area. This resulted in an influential report, that included pictures by William Henry Jackson and paintings by Thomas Moran, and in 1872, Ulysses Grant signed the Act of Dedication which made Yellowstone a national park. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yellowstone_National_Park)

Lamar Valley, Yellowstone National Park (Waiting for Wolves ©Belinda Greb)

There was opposition at that time to the establishment of the park. Local settlers in Montana worried that the economy would suffer from federal prohibitions and so numerous bills were put forth to reduce land-use restrictions. There were those that wanted the land for logging, mining, and hunting. Sound familiar?

The entities in charge of public lands need to balance the needs of interested parties while protecting the land. While hunting is not allowed in National Parks and many Wildlife Refuges, on other public lands, hunting is allowed. There are guidelines for the logging that takes place on public lands, and there will always be controversy about whether these guidelines are too strict or not strict enough. Ranchers were allowed to continue grazing their cattle on public lands and charged a nominal fee. Grazing fees per AUM (animal unit per month) was raised in 2015 to $1.69. Of course fees for grazing on private or state lands is much higher. In Oregon, the state fee is $5.60 in 2016. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grazing_fee) How many of you can feed your pet dog or cat for that $1.69 for even a couple of days?

William L Finley NWR (William Finley Refuge ©Belinda Greb)

In addition, as opposed to owning the land, the ranchers are not responsible for the financial cost of purchasing the land, maintaining or paying taxes on it like other property owners would be. But apparently some of these occupiers, like Cliven Bundy, feel that they should not have to pay any fees at all, and for years he has gotten away from this, refusing to pay the fees or remove his cattle from federal lands. After a court order allowed officials to remove his livestock from federal lands in 2014, armed supporters advanced on collectors resulting in a standoff. The cattle were not removed by BLM due to their concern that employees might be harmed or shot. So now Cliven Bundy owes the people over $1 million dollars and continues to graze his cattle on public lands. If our society continues to give in to this type of behavior, we will have anarchy.

Seen at Fern Ridge Wildlife Area (Flight of the Great Blue Heron ©Belinda Greb)

There’s certainly a right to question how the land is being managed, but trying to bully your opinion across via intimidation and guns is not it. The government entities that regulate these lands are not above reproach, but they are trying to balance the rights of the community along with the special interests of ranchers along with the wildlife advocates and environmentalists. How can this be an easy task? And of course the administrators are also going to be have their own personal opinions and beliefs. But dissenters should take any issue with that management to our legal system or the media.

Malheur NWR (Pete French Long Barn No. 2 ©Belinda Greb)

Malheur NWR

Malheur National Wildlife Refuge was established in 1908.  The land was initially occupied by the Paiute Indians. Settlers then came in and took over much of it, relegating the natives to a reservation. How ironic is the world view that rages against the government but really isn’t talking about returning the land to the original inhabitants.

One settler amassed with his employer, Dr Hugh Glen, over 140,000 acres.  He also restricted access to water to other fellow settlers and in fact was murdered in 1883 by one settler whose access to water he denied. Not a pretty story.  Some of the land was sold to pay of company debts, and after being resold, nearly 65,000 acres was incorporated into the refuge in 1935. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/P_Ranch)

Great White Egret seen at Malheur NWR (Great Egret ©Belinda Greb)

In the late 1880’s bird populations were being decimated by plume hunters who used their feathers for hats or  vanity wear, as I like to say in regards to fur coats. In 1908, photographers, William L Finley and Herman Bohlman noticed both the diversity of birds and the horrible effects of plume hunting. Finley successfully personally lobbied President Theodore Roosevelt for federal protection for the area. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malheur_National_Wildlife_Refuge) The William L Finley National Wildlife Refuge, also in Oregon, was named after him in 1964.

I find myself getting so upset and angry by the Malheur occupation. First I’m angry at the nerve of other people coming from out-of-state with their guns, taking over the buildings, government vehicles, blocking roads, and causing so much damage, not least of which is the emotional damage done to the community around Burns. This is an invasion. There were threats to people and their families who worked for BLM or USFWS, and there has been a huge financial cost to the county.  I am also angered at this threat to a beautiful refuge and the wildlife that is there.

Private vs Public

If these protections were not in place, we would not have our system of: 58 national parks; 560 National Wildlife Refuges and 38 wetland management districts; 155 national forests and 20 grassland areas; and other state managed wildlife areas. These are open to people to enjoy, but more importantly to conserve natural resources and habitat for wildlife. How would these lands have fared had they not been under federal protection? Look around – how well have mining, privately owned logging companies, corporate farms served the land or the interests of the general population? In addition, there’s a wealth of information and recent discussion about how cattle grazing impacts environment and climate. Google it.

Cattle on Public Lands in Harney County (©Belinda Greb)

“Why should we protect this lands? How will it benefits humans, or really me?” some may ask.

• Deforestation results in global warming. Trees absorb greenhouse gases and return moisture to the air. Once they are cut, the land will dries out quickly.  Clear cutting results in loss of habitat for many species – 70% of animals and plants live in forests. (http://environment.nationalgeographic.com/environment/global-warming/deforestation-overview/0).
• Loss of habitat results in loss of species. Just think what would happen if there were no birds and how that would affect the insect population. How would that affect crops or the spread of insect transmittable diseases…and so on? What about the disappearance of a predator that helped keep the rat population in control? It’s all about balance. The loss of one species can result in the overpopulation of another. There is a fine balance between prey and predator. Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver is a novel that clearly explains this issue.
• If there were no regulations, there would be no limitations on the type of chemicals that are used or other safety regulations that exist for a reason. Even with regulations, there are not enough controls and we’ve seen the impact of the chemicals on bees which are so important pollination and agriculture.

Red Shouldered Hawk seen at Fern Ridge Wildlife Area (Surveil ©Belinda Greb)

If resources are not managed, there is no sustainability. This affects us directly in regards to food and shelter. Would you really trust Ammon Bundy who represents his own interests or the interest of like-minded individuals over a government department that while cumbersome is still subject to the interests of many, including: legislators, citizens, and businesses?

Those are the self-interested reasons for preservation and conservation.

William L. Finley NWR (Acorn Woodpecker ©Belinda Greb)

Being a photographer, and spending a lot of time observing animals, I am on the side of the wildlife. We do not occupy this land alone. We share it with animals and flora. We have already created an environmental imbalance that threatens not only our future, but the future of all living beings. We have used our lands and water as a huge trash can that we think we can keep pouring our waste into without consequences. Those consequences are catching up, and it is the poor and the animals who will suffer first.

These public lands are also important in that for many that is the only place that many will see life in a near natural state. The beauty and understanding that come from being in nature to those that are open to it can give one a profound respect for life, its vulnerability and its resilience. Nature can make us better human beings by connecting us to the the larger natural world that contains a multitude of life outside the “me.” It can teaches us that life is not ego-centric but all-encompassing.

Love your public lands and protect them.

Wild Horse seen in Harney County (Resilience ©Belinda Greb)

Photographs taken at: Malheur National Wildlife Refuge and Harney County, William Finley National Wildlife Refuge, Yellowstone National Park,  and Fern Ridge Wildlife Area (run by Oregon Dept. of Fish and Wildlife). belindagrebphotography.com

 

 

 

 

 

A Few More from Chincoteague

I think I will try to have some intermittent shorter posts with just a few images and fewer musings!

Grace over Water

It’s funny when you come back from a trip with tons of images, there are some you just can’t wait to start processing.  But on the second or third round, it’s always the case that there’s one that was overlooked and you wonder how in the world you missed it.  This one of an egret landing on a pond is such a photograph for me.  I love the grace of the egret coming in for a landing and the background colors of the reeds and water.

Early Evening on the Chincoteague Bay

This second photograph was taken just about sunset, as I looked eastward from the boat we were in.  The light was just so beautiful around that time and this image lent itself to a subtle watercolor effect.  As I often do, here I worked with layers and masks to blend in an effect for more control and artistry. Westward the sky was more dramatic but to me visually less appealing. This was looking towards Assateague Island, and I like the one post sticking out of the water and the trees in the background.

Pretty Mallard Cross

The next two photos use textures. In the case of the mallard hybrid, the background was just sort of light as I had spot focused on him to bring out the details of his feather.  Another thing I enjoy is researching the photos for more information. For instance in this case, I tried to identify the duck as he really didn’t look like a mallard.  I found that domestic ducks and cross breeds often result from pairings with a male mallard as the iridescent green head is apparently quite appealing to female ducks of all species. I used one of the fabulous textures by Jerry Jones.

In the final photograph for this week’s post, I have taken many photographs of this filly as she was young and beautiful of course! 🙂 I was shooting with a telephoto since we were in a boat and at a distance. I cropped one of the more sharper images to use as just a head shot, and used a free beautiful texture found on Deviant Art and created by env1ro. I loved the bold colors in this texture.  Generally when I use free textures, I do try and change them up by using more than one, or another exposure to blend in, and for the Portrait of a Filly I did add another texture in but the primary texture was so gorgeous, the changes were pretty subtle. For the mallard, the texutre was such a perfect background for the duck’s coloring, I also didn’t add in another texture. For me this is an exception rather than a rule. Generally I will try to personalize it. See my note on how  I usually do to that.

Portrait of a Filly

Note: For other textures or exposures to blend in, think blurred landscapes, flora, flowers, clouds. Or shoot texture found in metal, rocks, etc. Or try your hand at using the various brushes in Photoshop to create your own. Then experiment with the blends or use the masks to just brink in part of an effect.

Traveling

Wherever you go, go with all your heart – Confucius

In late March and early April, I went on my planned trip, and it was really wonderful.  The first part of the trip I traveled to Salt Lake City, Utah to see my dear friend and her family. I’ve know my friend since undergraduate school and along with her husband and daughter we would be traveling to Moab, Utah.

I had been to Bryce Canyon and Zion, but never to Arches and Canyonlands National Parks or Dead Horse State Park. I was prepared for spectacular landscapes, but this trip brought home again the message that there are some places on this earth that are otherworldly and awesome. First, there were the red rock landscapes that seemed to my friend’s daughter as if we were traveling on the moon or in a episode of Star Trek! The view coming into Moab was the red rock land formations of Arches backed by the snow capped La Sal mountain range. The contrast was beautiful.

Balanced Rock – Arches National Park

The canyons of Canyonlands were breathtaking, but the park also boasted one of the best arches we saw, Mesa Arch, which frames a dramatic canyon view. However, I have to say, Arches National Park was my favorite of the three parks.  It’s as if a great sculptor let his imagination run loose on the landscape, but really the geological spires and arches are the result of changing sea levels, various layers of different types of rocks, erosion and millions of years.  A better explanation than I can provide can be seen in this short video. The individual arches (there are over 2000 arches) are amazing, but I also love the strange vistas you come upon and other rock formations such as Balanced Rock or the Three Gossips.  While time is measured in millions of years, the last arch to fall was the Wall Arch in 2008, so you never know!

Mesa Arch – Canyonlands

It is also so heartening to be around old friends. Since we were traveling on the cheap, we all shared a hotel room, which we’ve done before.  So there were the now familiar teasing squabbles about who kept whom awake with their snoring. We are already in the early planning stages of the next trip, although I think this time I may have to splurge for another room.  I think on this whole trip, I got an average of 4 hours sleep per night. It’s one thing to wake up at home, but I can usually read until I’m tired again. I have more problems falling asleep when other people are present, and I ended up lying there for what seemed like hours not wanting to disturb anyone else with light or noise. Yet, sleep aside, the trip was a great opportunity to reconnect in a way that’s deeper and more relaxing than phone calls or emails interspersed with busy lives and schedules.

Alert on the Home Front

Since I was flying to Utah to see my friends, I decided to combine it with a meet up with my cousin who lives in Idaho. I haven’t seen her since our high school reunion which took place about eight years ago. She had moved to my school district in high school so we became close friends.  After high school, we’ve always lived in different states, and have kept in touch sporadically, yet it is also a friendship that feels comfortable even after long periods of non-communication.

What was perfect was that the Grand Tetons was about the same distance from her as it was from Salt Lake City. I really couldn’t wait to get back there since my trip last fall.  The combination of the animals and environment just seem to touch me in a very deep way.

Mmm Mmm Good

It was also wonderful to see it in a different season. I really hadn’t expected so much snow or to see the frozen lakes still.  I don’t know why. I guess I just was thinking that with what seemed like an early Spring in Oregon, it would be the same in Wyoming. I love being there, and seem to love it more and more each time I visit.

There were some road closures, like Moose-Spring Road, or parts of the Teton Park road between Jenny Lake and Signal Mountain Lodge but the upside is there are also practically no tourists and the hotels rooms are available and reasonable. I definitely would plan a trip in Spring again, maybe a couple of weeks later to see the wildlife babies.

Journey

The very first full day we were there, my cousin and I decided to take a walk in the Gros Ventre area. I was fiddling with my camera gear and my cousin was ahead of me.  I looked up to see her walking right towards a moose she hadn’t spotted yet.  He/She was looking at her like, what are you doing?  We backed off and went in another direction.  I don’t know if this was a cow or a calf. Somehow, I was feeling it was a young calf from last year, but I am unsure.

The second day was supposed to be the clearest day, so I was definitely out to get as many shots of the Tetons as I could since in the fall, the low cloud coverage had blocked them.  My cousin went skiing in the Targhee mountains area which she found was cheaper than the Teton area, and as the Tetons are so steep, she heard that the runs aren’t as  well groomed.  We both had good days.

Grand Tetons from Oxbow Bend

My day was spent working my way all the way up to the Flagg Ranch right before the road closed going towards the South Entrance to Yellowstone. There had been reports of grizzlies at Colter Bay and wolves at Flagg Ranch, but I saw neither. I had been telling my cousin how my experiences with other nature photographers were normally very friendly and generous with information, perhaps because of a mutual love of animals, but unfortunately, I didn’t really feel that on this trip with the photographers I encountered – a momentary disappointment. I was glad that I was familiar with the area as I got to see more moose, antelope, bison, a ruffed grouse, trumpet swans, geese, ducks, hawks, an eagle, deer, and a beautiful red fox. I got some great shots of the beautiful Grand Tetons. At the end of the day I ended up near the Taggart Lake trailhead hoping to get some sunset shots as well as hoping to see the beautiful red fox I had photographed the day before.

Beautiful Red Fox No. 4

As it turned out, it wasn’t a great sunset, but as I was turning to go to meet my cousin for dinner, I was a bit delayed by the full moon rising above the trees.

On our third day in the Tetons, we set out separately but met in the afternoon and decided to take a walk through the snow to Taggart Lake.  My cousin lent me some crampons and although she initially was going to cross country ski, she decided to walk as well. She is in much better shape than I, so after 1 mile and a half in when we discovered we had suddenly ended up on the trail to Bradley Lake, she plunged ahead (and uphill) to see if she could get a view of both lakes from the crest. I, was carrying my telephoto and tripod and was already tired, so I decided to work my way back to Taggart Lake using my phone as a navigational device.  It should have been just through the trees, but after postholing and sinking my right leg up to nearly my hip, I decided to work back to the point we had gotten off trail.  Soon, my cousin who had been up to the crest and came back, caught up with me and we found the trail together.

Full Moon Over Trees at Dusk

Taggart Lake was frozen over, except around the edges, which I managed to step through. I would love to do the hike again to see the lake in summer or fall as the setting is just beautiful.  That evening we also drove over the mountains to have dinner with her daughter who happened to be taking a weekend course in Driggs.  I haven’t seen her daughter probably since she was pre-teen and now she is a lovely young woman.

I am already thinking of when I can get back to the Grand Tetons, and combine it with a return trip to Pryor Mountain and Yellowstone.  I just can’t seem to get enough, and I still haven’t seen a grizzly there!

I am also thinking of when I can see more of my old friends.  Too much time goes by too quickly and it felt so good and comfortable to to laugh, talk and hang out with both my cousin and my friends of many years. I am eager to see more friends and family on a trip that I’m taking in May. It is too easy to let geographic distances create temporal distances between ourselves and people who are important to us. We create excuses why we can’t do things now – time or affordability. One might think, from the way we put things off, that we had millions of years.

Living Free

My trip to Pryor Mountain to see the wild horses back in September is one that has affected me deeply and the effects are still being felt.  It was a great privilege to see the beauty of these horses with both their strength and fragility, their freedom and their lives subject to the elements in a natural habitat, living free, but it’s also been an ongoing lesson and blessing to think about what I saw, to review my photographs and think about the social world of these herds, the family lines and their history (history being a world we mostly tend to associate with humans).

Running Free

My trip last year to see some of the wild horses in the Oregon herds, was one in which I primarily felt the beauty of these creatures living as they were meant to live, but this trip was different in that I was exposed more to the relationship of the horses to one another and the social structure of herds and bands. I was intrigued enough by some of the stories to watch the documentary, Cloud: Wild Stallion of the Rockies (available from Netflix), about a harem stallion from Pryor Mountain mustang herd first encountered by Ginger Kathrens as a newborn foal and to read some of the blogs of the people who feel connected to these wild creatures, like Sandra Elmore’s blog – http://wildinthepryors.com/.

Cuddling

I can feel how easily it would be to become obsessed by these horses. Already, in processing some of my photographs, I feel my heart being pulled in every which way by the tenderness that is displayed between certain of the horses, or by the individual personalities of the various foals or horses and how they seem just as complex as the personalities of humans. When I read the blogs, I see how some of the people who watch over this herd develop a special connection to a certain horse, and then worry about its survival through the winter, sometimes to have their hearts broken when something does happen. I am touched and moved.

Horsing Around, No. 2

It is documented that the wild horses have been living in the Pryor Mountains of Wyoming and Montana  or what Ginger Kathrens referred to as the Arrowhead Mountains by the early 1700s and perhaps even before. DNA testing has proven that they are descended from the Colonial Spanish mustangs. The herd is genetically diverse and has low inbreeding, two traits that make the herd very important. The horses tend to be on the smaller side, 13 to 15 hands and between 700-800 pounds.

What amazed me, upon first seeing these horses was the wide range of colors, from Cloud’s nearly white, to black, with grullos, duns, bays, chestnut and roans inbetween.  The duns are especially interesting with primitive markings on their withers and stripes like zebra markings) on their legs. See the photograph of Odakota and look carefully at his hind leg.

Odakota

Two of the foals that seemed very personable were Ohanzee (above) and Odakota (to the right) in very different ways.  Odakota was curious but shy. He approached timidly, 1 step forward, 1 step back. Ohanzee is more confident and is the son of Cloud and Feldspar. When we first encountered him, he was grazing, then went to cuddle with his mother.  After we had moved to another ridge, where the watering hole was and where there were many small bands of horses, I noticed later when reviewing my photographs that Cloud’s band had come over and Ohanzee was approaching Nimbus, his sister.

Nimbus, No. 2

Nimbus was another horse I was fascinated with as she is a young filly, born in 2013,  and has already departed from Cloud’s band and is in a band with Knight, a young stallion and two other bachelor stallions – a somewhat dangerous grouping for her. She is extremely beautiful, and her band definitely has the lively raw energy of the young, evident from the moment they first came into sight.

Nimbus Collage

After watching the documentary and reading the blogs, I realized to a greater extent the obstacles these horses face, especially when they are young.  One year, as our guide, Steve Cerroni, mentioned, many foals were killed by mountain lions.  Eventually they had to relocate some of the mountain lions.

Also, some foals are just born weak. The documentary showed one disturbing incident where two bands were in the same area.  The mother of the weak foal that had collapsed moved away when the more dominant stallion, Looking Glass and his band came near.  The mares of Looking Glass’s band sniffed the foal and seemed to be concerned about it, but Looking Glass came up and killed the foal in a very horrible and aggressive manner despite the mares attempt to intervene, a reminder that cruelty does exist in the animal world as well.  Perhaps the stallion sensed the foal’s imminent death or perhaps he was killing a rival’s offspring – we won’t ever know, but life in the wild is just not all Pretty Ponies.

Another danger is that during the round-up that do occur every few years, there is the danger of the young horses being run to death or getting crushed. Flint, also known as Blue Moon, did become lame one year and it was feared that he would not make it during that winter, but he is now a harem stallion. Lightening is also a problem, sometimes killing a whole band of horses at once.

Bachelor Stallions

There are also small bands of bachelor stallions.  These are colts that get kicked out of the band at a certain age. They hang around with other males until they reach a time where they try to form their own band by stealing another mare from a harem stallion.  What’s also sad, but natural, is that eventually the older stallions get their bands stolen and end up as a bachelor stallion again.

One thing that I’ve been thinking about is the history and continuity of these animals.  Normally in an ideal domestic setting animals are neutered for the purpose of maintaining populations and not bringing unwanted animals into a situation where they will be neglected or abused.  But in the wild, on my day’s tour, I see and photograph these horses, then later as I look back at a blog, I am able to see that horse as a colt, or see references to the horse’s parents or grandparents. I read about Cabaret’s band that is killed in the deep snows of 2011 and find that that will be the end of the line as all the offspring are dead. I think not of just one life, in the way I think of one of my animal companions, but of a line and legacy.  Cloud, not 19 years old and made famous by three wonderful documentaries, has a mother who is 23 years old and still alive.  Hopefully in 23 years, his offspring, Nimbus and Ohanzee will still be out there on the mountain.

Cloud

In watching the documentary and reading the blogs, one phrase stays with me – living free, and also dying free. Ginger Kathrens remarked that she had been raised with horses, but when it came time to make the documentary found she knew very little about wild horses. What do we know about living free, I wonder? We think we are free, especially if we are Americans, but are we? The Merriam-Webster gives a number of definitions, but the one I most associate with the idea of “freedom” or the state of being “free” is: “not determined by anything beyond its own nature or being: choosing or capable of choosing for itself.”

Now a wild mare is not always “free” in that sense as the stallions tend to control their bands. Although perhaps she is according to her own nature.  I’m reminded by one of the stories of a Pryor Mustang mare, named Blue Sioux whom Cloud stole from his brother, Red Raven.  Allowed to go off by herself to foal, she made her way instead back to Red Raven. However now, she belongs to a younger stallion, Irial.

Nimbus, No. 1

One difference, is that in the wild, horses are not generally pulled away from their families, and most of the time they are not “serving” anyone else. They are living according to their own nature, not saddled, not bridled, free to run (within the limits of  36000 acres now fenced in some places) and also to deal with the harsh realities of survival.

As humans, if we look carefully at our own lives we’ll find that we’ve given up some of our freedom. We might compromise our values in order to make a living. We might accept treatment that demeans us, so that we have a certain level of security. For some, that may be easier than for others.  For myself, I think it’s always been a bit harder to conform or take orders or agree or to follow the prescribed agenda that is supposed to make me “better!”

A Filly and a Colt from Garcia’s Band

Maybe I’m too sensitive, maybe it’s being from a mixed race that made me more unnerved and irritated by the ideal of having been told as a child that I wasn’t good enough but lately I’m finding it harder and harder to do things that I don’t find myself believing in and I’m growing more resistant to the suggestion that I need to accept certain things because I’m getting older, because the economy is shaky, because, because because of any number of reasons.

I think it’s because I’m getting older that it’s become more important to me to think that with this life I’ve done some of the things I wanted to do, and that I’ve attempted to live my life consciously and freely.

Now I’m not immune to fear.  I worry about how long my savings will last, or what will happen if I get sick. Like the wild horses, I’ve followed the Judas horse more than once to that narrow corral. There’s a meal, the comfort of a crowd, the knowledge that you can give up risk and put yourself into the hands of others.

You know what? –  I’m old enough to be really tired of the threat of a lash of the whip, albeit a symbolic one. I’m more worried about living a life that has no meaning or worse yet supporting something I find repellant. Each moment is more precious when you start to realize, really realize, they’re limited. Too precious to spend on things that make you feel rotten or dead or confined to a box.

When Ginger Kathrens or the Pryor Mustang bloggers refer to a horse as living free and dying free on the mountain, it speaks to a certain richness of life that boggles the civilized mind. Certainly not a romanticized, easy life, but defnitely an authentic one. Now I may not be able to join those wild and free mustangs on that mountain, but I certainly can appreciate them and instill a bit of that spirit in myself.

Garcia, No. 2

Getting Through and Breaking Through

I can’t believe it’s been over two months since I last posted. A lot has transpired.  I did take my scheduled vacation to Los Angeles.  It was wonderful to see my old friends.  There’s nothing so comforting as seeing people who’ve known you since you were arrogant with youth and still care for you through all the intervening phases. It’s amazing how you can slip right in to a relaxed feeling of trust with good friends despite not having seen each other for a year or years as with one good friend I met up with. Also, since I grew up in Los Angeles, there was a sense of connection with place.  Since I usually do nature photography, it was interesting to take some photographs that were not in my comfort zone, architectural shots or city shots. Strangely enough, this one of Los Angeles Union Station sold shortly after I uploaded it.

Los Angeles Union Station Interior

My dog, Maisie’s surgery took place upon my return and the worry about it and her sarcoma had cast a shadow over my trip. The surgery went fairly well although I felt frustrated as the pathology reports were non-conclusive as to exact type of sarcoma and whether the full tumor had been excised. I realized that after paying for the pathology report, I expected it to be definitive.  Something, life can’t always give us.  So it will be a wait and see game.  Her energy has been very good throughout, and the hardest part of her recovery was the cone head and keeping her from licking the wound when I let her have a reprieve from the cone head, which was too often as I found out.

I have switched her to a completely raw diet.  While expensive, I was pleased that she really seems to like it. The first time I gave it to her, she wolfed it down, and then immediately threw it up.  I thought – oh no, that’s about $5 on the carpet.  Fortunately, she just had to learn to eat it more slowly!  I also have her on the I’m Yunnity mushrooms, which I mix in her food, and I also give her raw goat’s milk in the mornings.  She is maintaining a really healthy weight and has lots of energy.  The wound has now healed and I am hoping that the raw diet and mushrooms will prevent the cancer from reoccurring.

Spawning a River

For the last two months until just recently, my focus has not really been on my photography, but on just getting myself through this time. I was trying to stay positive when I was really feeling weighted down and scared by the sense of loss. I felt overwhelmed by the expenses and the uncertainty. But I just plodded through trying to keep the faith and let myself operate on automatic, emotionally.

This was a new reaction for me. I steered myself away from brooding or getting really actively depressed, I let myself tune out in a way and focused on just doing what I could do, like learning about the diet and reading to take my mind away from my worry. I definitely did not feel connected to myself at this time (felt like I was numbing myself out), but at least I felt like I held my despair at bay.

Find the Spider in the Sunflower

At any rate, I’ve gotten through that period. While in the middle of it though, and upset by what seemed to me my dwindling world, a snub by a local person I had considered a friend, and sadness at being separated from my long-time friends, I did decide to go ahead and take a trip to Wyoming (something I had wanted to do this summer but it hadn’t looked like it was going to happen).

I’ve been tired of the same old places, the same routine, the oppressiveness of the same old, same old.  I knew I needed to feed myself, spiritually, and the trip, despite being last minute and kind of chaotically planned, was good in that it allowed me to focus and reignite my passion for photography, and filled me awe about the beauty of animals and nature. I want to stop forcing myself to accept less.  I’ve been operating in this zen, less is enough mode, and on one hand, yes, I’m don’t want to be overly needy or greedy.  But on the other hand, I don’t want to have to settle for less.  What’s the point of that type of life?

Fall’s in the Air

I want to start doing the things that make me feel alive and connected. And I want to stop the things (people or situations) that make me feel depleted, whether that be friendships or job. That’s my breakthrough.  Now to make it happen.  That’s  the hard part. Stay tuned.

Wings Aflutter

I will talk more about my trip in my next post, but one of the highlights was seeing the Pryor Mountain Mustangs, and getting a day in Yellowstone National Park (not enough time) and a few days in Grand Tetons.  Until then, I wish you the best. Here’s a photo preview!

Garcia Herding his Band-Pryor Mustangs

My Usual Haunts – Exterior and Interior

I didn’t post last week, as my days off were filled with a couple of outings, but it should work out well, because as I review my photos from two weeks ago and think back, I’m in a similar frame of mind this week.

I find myself, at this stage of my life, more confined, so that when I look at photographs of others from far off places, I’m a bit envious, although I’ve been blessed to have traveled in the past. But the current situation can dim my spirits and I’ve been feeling like I’ve been running on empty. So I seek refuge in my usual haunts, and find myself traveling familiar grounds, physically and metaphysically.

The Bit of Sun That’s Left

Metaphysically speaking – I find myself on the verge of depression. I’ve been here and through it before. I’m isolated, geographically, from my closest friends, and I feel at a disconnect. I feel like I’m putting one foot in front of the other and just plodding through without any hope of getting to some place better.  I know this feeling will pass and come again and pass again, and I always seek to come to terms with it philosophically or spiritually.

By the Canal

I wish I were less analytical and lighter in nature.  My belief is that people who are tend to be happier. In the past, I’ve quit my job, moved, taken a trip, but those aren’t options I have the energy or money for and of course you never can really escape your self, not while you’re living!

And I don’t dislike my self, but I miss being near people who get me.  Any way, I know I’m in the midst of a poor me pity party, so I will move on. Maybe others reading this will find comfort in knowing that others also experience these blues and greys.

Peaceful Easy Feeling

Physically, I return to my favorite walks with my dog and my camera.  Sometimes I take only a few pictures and discard the majority, thinking I’ve done that. Sometimes there are just a few that I care to keep, but the act of walking is a soothing one, and my dog, Maisie, appreciates it as well.

Sometimes, the walk alone will shake the inertia away. If not, it allows me to sit with the feelings I’m going through.  It settles the restlessness like a form of meditation. And since I haven’t been doing my meditation practice regularly, this is good.

At other times, although I’m walking the same road I’ve walked numerous times before, I see something new, or more clearly.  When we find ourselves in the same life patterns, it’s interesting to wonder if instead of a circle, our path is not instead a spiral viewed from a different angle. Are we reacting the same way to a similar situation, or trying to find a new way.  This is a challenge of both consciousness and discipline.

Young Buck

One morning, two weeks ago, I got up early (not easy for me as I tend to be a night owl) seeking to find the elk that a friend had said were visiting her yard. Though they had been there for two days in a row, and come 4-5 times that week, they were not there that morning. (A week later I did see some female elk, but my photos were lousy as the light was too low and I was unable to get any sharpness at the distance.)

Disappointed, I decided to take try to take some pictures of the fall color that was fading fast.  I came upon these beautiful rays shining down on the road.  Was it as great as the elk would have been?  No, but it was lovely and that will have to suffice.

So I will keep trying – getting up early, occasionally, to seek the elk and putting one foot in front of the other, trying to muster some hope that my path is not a circle, and spiraling upwards and not down.

Another Road Travelled

Limitations, Inspiration, Perserverance

I’ve been busy the past few weeks since my trip to Malheur Wildlife Refuge in Oregon, working on pictures, catching up with work and daily life.  In reviewing the photographs I’ve taken I’ve come up against the limitations that exist currently in both my ability and equipment. I’ll start with the second one first, since being outside my self, that’s always the easiest to identify and evaluate.

In spite of the fact that the new telephoto lens I bought is much better than the one I had, its reach is still never going to be as long as I want it to be!  As I’ve talked about before in this blog, I love shooting animals, especially wildlife in their natural habitat. And of course the challenge is that they’re not always near you (harder to focus on) and they move (requiring high enough shutter speed).  So I get home and look at my pictures (where I can actually see them on a full screen) and in the majority of cases, I’m often disappointed because when I zoom in to 100% or more if I’m cropping the picture, it’s less sharp, or the area that the animal encompasses is just too small to be able to crop into a compelling photograph.

Here is the original shot I took of this cute little colt whose picture I stopped to take.  I have a 100-400mm and I don’t know how far away he was, but far enough, so that this was my shot at a focal length of 400mm. It was almost 7pm so the light was lower, but still acceptable.  I had raised the ISO to 250, had the aperture set to 11.0 and my shutter speed was 1/80 sec. At 100% I can see that the colt is a bit soft, so obviously my focus wasn’t spot on, but at its original size, it came out okay but it has a bit of noise.

This leads me to the first part of limitations – my ability or habits as a photographer.  In hindsight, I might have taken the aperture down to 8.0 or even 5.6 to get a higher shutter speed. But I still get so caught up with wanting to get the picture (in this case before the colt moved behind a sagebrush, or turned away from me) that I went into my snapshot mode. So I don’t have the ability now to crop and get a sharp picture.  Here is the picture cropped to just the colt, and you begin to see the problems.  Of course these are low resolution files at smaller width and heights than the actual files, but the comparison should still be telling.

When I look back at pictures I took in Kenya with a film camera almost 20 years ago, I’m amazed at some of the pictures I got. I had a cheaper lens at that time (Pentax camera/Tamron 400 mm lens) but the differences are: 1) my digital camera now is a full frame, which means my reach isn’t as long – 400 is 400 instead of maybe 640; 2) film didn’t have the noise that digital cameras do; and 3) shooting in Kenya, I generally had much more light to work.  However, I still love my digital camera for many reasons, not limited  to post processing control (never had a darkroom) and ability to adjust ISO for each shot (whether I’m always great at doing that is another matter altogether) to name just the first two that stand out.  The fact is that I need to find a way as a photographer to form better habits in order to work both with the tools  I have (which are quite good) and the limitations that present themselves (moving animals, low light, etc).

So the disappointment in not getting the shots I hoped I had gotten turns into a learning experience and a resolve to get better. I still will cherish the photo and the others I took of this colt, because he was beautiful, and I loved the way he seemed to be trying out his legs. I decided to enhance the photograph in Photoshop and added some artistic/impressionistic type effects.  This is the result.

The following two photos are two more examples of a similar situation.  I shot this photo, and actually I do like it, but again, it was shot in low light at nearly 8pm. So I took up the ISO to 800. Since the mule deer did not seem particularly disturbed by me as they were at quite some distance, in retrospect, I probably should have used my tripod and kept the ISO lower to avoid the noise. The aperture was 10.0 and the shutter speed was 40, but the photo was still fairly sharp – there was just a lot of color noise.

However, I felt the photograph was a bit conflicted. Was the subject matter the herd of mule deer (not close enough to really be about them) or the landscape?  In the end, as the result of a suggestion from a fellow photographer in a forum, I decided to just concentrate on the beautiful colors in the landscape.

I reassessed the picture, erased the herd of mule deer from the scene, blurred the edges of the photo, and played with effects to give it more of an abstract feel, since the photo really lent itself to that. See the second reinterpreted photograph.

You can judge for yourself. Some will like the more true to life version, and others the artistic interpretation.  I always feel there’s room enough for more than one version.

Luckily, the telephoto lens did work quite well with some of the animals that were closer to me.  I especially like this capture of a little house sparrow that was taken at Malheur Wildlife Refuge, but wasn’t so crazy about the fact that he was just sitting on a metal plant protector thing. But I kept returning to him, because I was so charmed by his expression and the fact that he was looking directly at me.  This is the initial photograph.

In this case, I was able to crop quite a bit, and have him remain very sharp, although I did add a texture and a color filter to make his background more visually interesting.

Next week I will move on from Harney County, Oregon, although I am sad to do so as it was a great experience on many different levels.  I did want to share a few more photographs.

This is of the Hot Springs where my friend and I stayed, Crystal Crane Hot Springs.

The next picture shows a close-up of a mule deer that was taken earlier in the day near the same spot where the herd was, and this deer was closer to the road (love it when that happens!)

And finally I wanted to show you a composite picture I did using the little calf from the first post on Harney County – Wild Horses, Part 1.  I had two landscape pictures I liked, (but not enough on their own), so I combined them with this calf. I wanted to create an image that reminded the viewer of one of those old paintings you see at museums. This is entitled, “The Lost Calf.”

So in closing – acknowledge and evaluate your limitations, be inspired by them to break through them, and persevere! I’m not usually this Ra, Ra, but sometimes we need to do that for ourselves, just so we can deal with expectations that get a little banged up along the way.

Malheur Wildlife Refuge

Malheur Wildlife Refuge is over 187, 000 acres in Southeastern Oregon, containing over 320 species of birds and 58 mammals. It consists of sagebrush and wetlands.

I had grown more interested in visiting the Malheur Wildlife Refuge after reading Refuge: An Unnatural History of Family and Place, by Terry Tempest Williams (a wonderful book). She mainly talked about the Salt Lake Region in Utah, but did mention this refuge as a wonderful place for bird sightings.  But what really sealed the deal for me was when I heard about the wild horse herds in the same area. I’m not a birder, but I do enjoy seeing the various varieties and recently got The Sibley Field Guide to Birds of Western North American in order to be able to identify more.

After my trip to Kenya, I do feel I became more observant and would start to see the birds more, and becoming reignited by photography has also refined my observation skills.  However, I have a long ways to go.

The headquarters area was about 30 miles from where we were staying – Crystal Crane Hot Springs, most of it a well-maintained gravel road.  There were birders out and about with their huge telephoto lenses, which made mine seem rather dinky. There were a lot of Yellow-Headed Blackbirds about, and also Red-Winged Blackbirds.

In addition at the pond there were several American White Pelicans, which are beautiful.  Around the grounds were bunny rabbits and ground squirrels. Also seen were hummingbirds, and many other birds that I did not identify. It was supposed to be rainy that day, so the clouds were got were much better than expected, with even a few spots of sun.

One birder told us that there were owl babies by Benson Pond, and that we would probably see others about who could point them out to us.

We headed down to Benson, meaning to stop and then look for the South Steens Wild Horse Herd.  We actually passed it, reaching French Glen and realizing we had gone to far.  However, we had stopped to take a picture of a beautiful Great Egret.  While the Egret was fairly sharp for the distance he was from me, I did end up doing a texture to the background, as the photograph was cropped quite a bit.

Where the photograph of the Egret was taken, in the middle distance was a flock of geese, and in the far distance I made out two coyotes probably hunting rabbits or rodents.

Along the way, I also got this picture of a Long-billed Dowitcher.

French Glen is a very small town (est. pop. 12) with a historic hotel built in 1924. Pete French was the owner of a livestock company and he was murdered in his 30s as he had a tendency to buy up land, controlling the water rights and preventing settlers from getting to their own land if they had to cross his.

The little town is at the foot of the Steen Mountain Loop which rises from sagebrush terrain to over 9000 feet. I’ll have some pictures of that next week. Here is a picture of the area right by French Glen.

After going up the Loop, we headed back to see if we could find Benson Pond and nearly missed it again.  There is no sign directly off Hwy 205. Instead, you have to take another gravel road north of it, and then work your way down.

By the time we got there, there was really no one else around to point out the owls, and frankly I didn’t even know what type of owl or what I was looking for! Hindsight tells me I needed to ask more questions, but aside from looking up at the trees to see if I could see any owls (since I did learn that they don’t usually stay right by the nest but in nearby trees).  For some reason I thought it might be a burrowing owl, so I was looking on the ground around Benson Pond, but there was a lot of grass, reeds, and parts where there were holes down to the water.  I also tried to listen for any sounds, but again, was unsuccessful.

There were more egrets, and it was wonderful to watch then land, as well as some Dark-eyed Junco Sparrows, more blackbirds. I also admired greatly these beautiful trees, pictured below as the bark was nearly black and stood out from the green leaves.  On the way back, I happened to catch some movement and saw this beautiful pheasant, but by the time I stopped the car and started shooting though not at a fast enough speed to get any great photos as he was retreating behind a barbed wire fence.

Again, I feel like I would like to go back and just have more time to observe and hang out.  This trip was very short, but it provided a great overview to make plans for the next trip and I had some wonderful experiences.

Next week, just a bit more about the general area.